I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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