Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
no you cant smoke seaweed
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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