Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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