i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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