She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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