He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Your cock deserves a montage
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
