I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Best friends brother. Beat that.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
