I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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