She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
