After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
