Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
