what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
