i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
