how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
