Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
