Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
