Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
