I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I am midnight drunk by noon
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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