he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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