Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
