Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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