This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
