there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
