My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
