I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
