How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
