Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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