Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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