when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
