I will die if light touches me.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
