it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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