anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
you're hired as official boob wrangler
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
