im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
