is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Randomize
