She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
