but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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