I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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