I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
