Apparently you make a good broom.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
