i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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