I just threw up on my dentist
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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