Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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