Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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