so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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