true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We need to get me chipped asap
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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