Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
