6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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