I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
