Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
