ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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