Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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