Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
