Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
