He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
