pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
