im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I party with great urgency now.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
