i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
