i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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