They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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