Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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