The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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