Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
