I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
