Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
