we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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