I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
