These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
