youre lurking in front of me
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
