I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
