we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Man, jail baloney is awful.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
