are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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